Currently Playing Beneath Medicine Tree By Copeland testing the strong ones see related

so i'm finally figuring out what it feels like to hate....to hate something, or someone or maybe even both.  i was always taught it is wrong to hate, but how can you help from feeling a certain way, when they have done everything in their power to hurt you as much as they possibly could.  or at least it seems that way, why are we in such a selfish era...."everyone for themselves" that is how it always seems to me.  how can someone take advantage of a person they say they care about....even love?  i just can't understand why.  there are so many questions in my mind.  will they ever go away, even with time?  i'm angry, i don't feel it's good to be this angry or maybe just more hurt than anything. 

why did you lie? why did you make me cry? why did you mislead? why did you leave? why did you decide to be someone while hiding the true you?  i was nothing but honest  about EVERYTHING with you...and you lied.....why?  i gave you my heart my soul and mind....and you lied.....why?  why did you say the word love?  why did you pretend to care? there's just too many why's not any when what's or where's.....just why?  can you ever answer it...i mean the question why?  can anyone?  i don't even think God can deal with this one.  you claim to want to change yet you still lie....why?  you should've come clean you shouldn't have hid all your dark secrets in your closet of lies.  now i'm left....all alone....by myself....with noone but my children to care for....and you still have her....why?  these are all questions that can not be returned...WHY?  beacause the answers are all lies.....it's all done behind sheilded eyes....but i will go on no matter how hard you try, to keep me down.  i will move on and leave the crowd. 

today is a new day....and tomarrow another...i will move on with a new heart...a life....just being a mother....you see this is the only thing left for me and i will put all my thoughts and energy into my new life,  my new heart  just being a mother. 

see i feel that through life there a trials and tribulations....they're just, "testing the stong ones, and scarring the bueatiful ones," and i've never failed a test and all my scares just make me stronger!

Currently Reading Approval Addiction : Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone By Joyce Meyer see related

i can't beleive my whole world is falling apart  in front of my very own eyes     i can't do anything about it!  and the only one who can                           doesn't even care enough to...                                                                 what do you do in a situation like this...                                                        i've never been here before....how do you learn to trust again...can you ever?  it just hurts so bad...when you thought it would be forever....                       but now it can't, or won't, or just maybe never?                                              i wish i could tell the future...please somebody tell me what to do....              i've cried out too long and my voice is gone....                                        where do you go when there's nothing left?                                                  who do you talk to when there's nobody around?                                         is there a God who truelly cares...and can He turn this all around...             just get rid of the blank stares...it's so dark now...                                       like i've closed my eyes and will  never to open them again...                      can i do that, am i allowed?                                                                      how can you just throw it all away...                                                         don't you even care...                                                                                  or did you ever dare to open up your eyes,                                               and try to realize the frailty of life when their tiny little eyes are looking up to you...                                                                                                          just cry....                                                                                                                 that's all we can do...                                                                                   is just cry....                                                                                               i'm                                                                                                              so                                                                                                   tired...                                                                                                      tired of hiding the true me and you...                                                           no                                                                                                             more                                                                                                            lies...                                                                                                          or crying eyes, i'm through...                                                                                                 with you...                                                                                                   and me...                                                                                                      it just wasn't ment to be...                                                                           so dry you eyes...                                                                                          and just realize...                                                                             soemthings are forever....                                                                         and others just fornever.....                                                                       we still have time to clear the dust away and clean the slate....                        if we just try. 

thank you all for listenign,                                                                               anberlynn

Currently Playing Send Us a Signal By Brandtson mexico see related

i'm updating...not that anyone cares or reads...the show last night was good...i really enjoyed brandtson and umbrellas and can we say that Dear Augustine is sounding pretty much amazing these days?! cause they are!

well thanks to all who helped...and i'm so dissappointed in you vegas...i heard what you said...about the show not being your type...but i guess that's cool nate still came and helped.  thank you nate, daniell, j-rod, t-rox, jess, and i think that's about it.  and Nash for lettin us use his pa...everyone else that didn't show cause it wasn't "hardcore" or cause you had prom well are dooskies....but you know we still love you all....if you want to continue to get a variety of good shows so everyone can enjoy you have to support all of them sometimes that means going to help with a show even though you may not enjoy the music so the peps that do can come and enjoy instead of working it...just my opinion on it since we put them on and all. 

hopefully all you sell outs will be at the show on the 18th so don't be dooskies and come support the seen and paperwings productions.

Currently Playing Neon Nights Electric Lives By The Static Age see related

so it's been a while since i updated so i figure i should...too much is going on to even remember.  all i know is that the Copeland show in OKC was awesome...even though Acceptance canceled it' sall good we saw them in KC so it all worked out!  for all of you fools that didn't go cause of some lame excuse like work or money....too bad for you!! 

The show on sunday was pretty good...didn't like the turnout though....plus i was looking forward to hearing ricky fitts play but because of the set change i had to miss them to go pick up the kids.  but other than that it was a good show...and loosing money on it pretty much sucked as well.  but it's all good. i know a lot of people don't like the kinison i think they are an aquired taste but i really enjoyed them short of their overacting singer they were really good(and they didn't play my song either).  but otherwise the show was good! 

not a whole lot more going on other than some amazing shows in may...and JEREMY "F-BOMBIN" GOULD'S  big birthday!  oh yeah and chad's, anthony's and nate...don't forget brano-war!  so happy frickin birthday to all of  you ...and enjoy the shows cause those are you're presents fools!!!!

so everyone come out to the shows this month and celebrate you're b-days paperwings style!

Currently Playing I Am Hollywood By He Is Legend see related

so we finally......bought our new van....so nice...still have to get the dvd installed but they are hookin us up with a van while they install it all.  so it's all good!  buying a new vehicle has to be one of the hardest things to do... you have to make a lot of dificult decisions during the process.  i just want to thank nate for helping us out during this process...i know things didn't work out exactly how we all thought they would and i am very sorry but i do hope you are happy that we got a vehicle that was right for us.  you are still one of our closest homeboys and we(I) would never do anything to hurt you...you just have to understand that when making a $22,000 decision we have to keep our families needs first.  thanks again for all your help though we truelly appreciate it and hope that if you needed anything you can always call!

on another note it just seems like one thing happens after another...last week dillinger sprained his ankle and couldn't walk for a whole week....and around the same time B cut his finger and bled for 4 days.  he wore a bloody micheal jackson glove the whole time!haha 

now that we just got them better from all that dillinger was getting his ears cleaned and his ear drum got punctered....he's got blood running down the side of his face and has to wear a patch on his ear.  it never ends. 

on a lighter note B's birthday party is this weekend and we went out to buy him so gifts yesterday and found some awesome navy tennis shoes for B and you'll never guess what we found for Dill......tennis shoes (saucony style) camo...he looks so cute in them...in honer of nate, danny and keefer atleast that what dill say's.

this is long enough and i'm sure you have stopped reading by now(nate) so i'm gonna go now.

".....just because you're a dude doesn't mean you're a dooskie....."